San Francisco

I have decided that I should start catching up on our past visits we have had together before I forget too much of what happened! As I've mentioned before, I want to use this blog to chronicle the adventures we have in life so we can always remember them. It is a good reminder for me to appreciate our time together. So, on to the trip...

Why San Francisco? On Tim's blog, one of the first thing I remember reading was his to-do list. I remember I wanted to do something similar on my old blog and his was perfect inspiration. Two of them stood out to me #20 - Visit Alcatraz Prison and #83 - See The Golden Gate Bridge. In March I had taken a 24 hour trip on my own to San Francisco so I was a little familiar with it and it is a short plane ride away from Seattle. Tim's birthday was during his first trip to the US so I thought it would be a perfect way to celebrate by crossing a few things off his to-do list!

After a quick flight down in the morning, we checked in at our place in Union Square. We got free breakfast from the hotel because Tim is so charming (and they were about to clean it up when we got there), put our stuff down, and headed out to catch a bus. We toured through Haight-Ashbury, Golden Gate Park, and ended up on the Marin County side of the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a beautiful, clear day so we decided to walk across the bridge. After many photo ops and the 1.7 miles we successfully made it across!!

We got back on the bus and got off near the Ferry Building. After a stroll through the ferry building and a walk that seem like it lasted forever we made it to Pier 39 to take a look at the sea lions and Alcatraz from afar. After a little side trip to Ghirardelli Square for some ice cream sundaes, we headed back to the hotel for happy hour followed by a wonderful and romantic dinner at a little Italian restaurant. 

The next morning, we got up bright and early to be on the first boat to Alcatraz! If you ever go to Alcatraz get up and go on the first boat..there weren't as many people there so some of the places we wandered there was no one around. Once we went in the actual prison bit, it was really interesting to see what it was like. I've never been in a prison before (thankfully) and I learned a lot about it. I even enjoyed it so much that I watched Escape from Alcatraz when I got home! I was glad to help Tim cross it off his bucket list..and save him from buying everything in the store. I mean, does anyone really need a metal Alcatraz meal tray?

After Alcatraz we road a famous cable car up to Lombard Street and back down to Union Square. 

Before we headed home, we caught another free happy hour at our hotel, this time complete with a magician! I love magic and am still trying to figure out the tricks he did that day. He was basically our own private magician for 30 minutes and we both absolutely loved it. Perfect way to end the trip.

Other than a short road trip in the Seattle area, it was the first trip that Tim and I took together and one I will never forget. Hope you had an amazing 31st birthday, Tim..and don't forget to cross #20 and #83 off of your to-do list!

P.S. Tim, I did not forget about the blonde German/Spanish family that we kept seeing, but I have yet to come up with a way that it makes sense in writing. For now it will just have to be an inside joke...

Hello 2015

Hello 2015! It is nice to finally see you. As always, the New Year is a great time to look back on the past year and a time to look forward at what the next one has in store for you. 

2014 was good to me - I got to travel, got a new job, spent time with friends and family, watched sports, met some more of my Twitter family (Hi Kirsty and Sue!), and got to enjoy 4 visits with the love of my life. 

In those 4 visits we covered a lot! Seattle, Southampton, London, Bath, Paris, Big Island Hawaii, Victoria, and the Olympic Peninsula were all places we visited. We explored new places, swam, hiked, snorkeled, kayaked, and ran a 5k. We saw 2 Sounders games together and 1 Mariners game. Most importantly though, we got to spend time being a couple and doing normal everyday things together. We learned even more about each other and our love has grown even more than I thought possible.

In 2015, I have a few things in mind I would like to accomplish.

• Try to live my life in a way that supports being happy and healthy
• Explore more new places and try new things
• Blog about everything Tim and I have done - I want to catch up on the past year of adventures
• Grow in my relationship with Tim, and hopefully get closer to cutting down the distance
• Be a supportive partner and help Tim reach his 2015 goals 

I know it is a bit cheesy to start the year off with new resolutions, but I really feel like 2015 will be a year of great growth in my life, and I can't wait to find out what it has in store for me!

Anniversary

Wow...it has been a whole year since I met Tim in person and a whole year since he officially became my boyfriend. Time has flown by but gone so slowly at the same time.

The time in between our visits (usually between 2-3 months) drags on for what seems like forever. It feels horrible when I look at the time that has passed, see a number like 41 days, and then realize less than half the time apart has passed. Sometimes I feel our time apart is playing in slow motion, dragging out as long as possible.

Then I look at the past year and am amazed at how quickly time has gone and how much we have experienced together. In the past year we have traveled and seen the sights in Seattle, Southampton, London, Paris, Bath, San Francisco, Victoria, the Olympic Peninsula, and soon to be Hawaii. We've seen baseball, soccer, and football games, gone to the ballet, gone kayaking, and have had amazing adventures together. The great thing about spending time apart is that when we are together we make the most of every minute and really live our lives to the fullest.

I have learned so much about him and myself in this past year. Tim amazes me each day with how sweet, funny, smart and everything else that he is. He has taught me to be a better person and strive for greatness for myself and my relationship.

My favorite thing is that I have learned in the past year that when it is right, it is right. Of course being in a long distance relationship has it hard moments, but with Tim it just works. I never feel burdened with trying to make it work. I can explain in a thousand ways why we are compatible and why it works but the bottom line is that I know. I know we were meant to be.

Happy Anniversary, Tim. Here is to many, many more to come!

December 7

December 7, 2013 was the coldest day of the year with a low of 18 F (-8 C) and a high of 32 F (0 C) and a day that will always rank among one of my favorites in my life. It was hard not to laugh at poor freezing Tim wearing two jackets and shivering constantly. I can still feel my frozen hair, and picture the grumpy face Tim had when I made him sit on a freezing metal pig. We strolled around Pike Place Market, visited the first Starbucks, and just enjoyed being in the same country/time zone/city at the same time. 

In the afternoon we ventured out to Seattle Center. I had been wanting to go to Chihuly Garden and Glass since it opened and it was the perfect opportunity. I'm not a huge museum person but I can honestly say I loved this one. It is amazing what he can do with glass..all of it so unique and beautiful. 

To end the evening we ventured to the famous Seattle landmark, the Space Needle. I don't think words can adequately describe everything I was feeling at that moment but all I can say is that it was just right. I knew I had found my match. I felt more comfortable than I have with anyone. I knew it was the start of forever. 

December 6, 2013

The nerves I felt on December 6, 2013 are going to stay fresh in my mind for the rest of my life. I had to work that day, my last day before I took a 2 week vacation to hang out with Tim. I checked his flight status all day long - BA 49, refreshing every 15 minutes and tracking his plane getting closer and closer. Since the day we first started texting I don't think we have ever gone longer than 2-3 hours without at least saying hello (other than when one of us is sleeping) so waiting 9+ hours for the flight with no communication was like torture. All day long coworkers were asking me questions; what if you don't like him? do you think you'll recognize him? are you going to kiss him? Every question and every minute that went by the knot in my stomach got bigger and bigger, and I slipped out of work early full of fear.

The picture I sent to Tim so he would know what I was wearing 

The arrivals board letting me know he was in customs! 

I got to the airport and went to our designated meeting place where I had read online international arrivals come out and waited. Sweaty palms, funny stomach, more waiting. Turns out, I was waiting in the wrong place and got a text from Tim asking where I was...oops. If you picture a movie with people making eye contact, smiling, and rushing over in slow motion to greet each other..that is honestly exactly what it felt like. Cheesy and cliche, but very, very real. Backpack wielding Tim gave me a big hug that I struggled to return because of a silly backpack he kept tight on his back. I will remind him of that stupid backpack for the rest of his life and he will never live it down. 

After the backpack is kind of a blur in my head. I can remember kisses on the cheek, watching his bags while he used the restroom and I sent a quick text to a friend, and walking hand in hand to the light rail. On the 40 minute ride downtown I think I stared at him the whole time. We wandered around downtown looking for a place to eat and ended up at a Thai restaurant. I'm not sure what we talked about during dinner but I can remember sitting there with a huge smile on my face. 

I don't think I can ever put in words how happy I was or how amazed I was that he was real and exactly what I had imagined.  We clicked better than I could have hoped for and I initially knew the man I fell head over heels for online was the real deal. And yes, I did get a kiss after the end of the first date :)

Communication...and Errors

One of the biggest things people in long distance relationships seem to struggle with is communication. To me, communication is one of the most important things to build a strong, healthy, and lasting relationship. Based on my mindset and the normal struggle of being half a world away, long distance relationships shouldn't work..but someone mine does.

I am very fortunate to have a boyfriend that can survive on very little sleep and one that loves talking to me (I think!). That 8 hour time difference doesn't seem so bad when I call him on Skype before I go to bed to have a chat about my day and say goodnight. Unfortunately for him, that little bed time chat falls somewhere between 4:00 and 6:00 AM, depending on how sleepy I am or how much I miss him.

Technology helps too..being able to stay connected throughout the day with Whatsapp, G Chat, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Skype makes the distance feel smaller. Sometimes they close the gap so much that I forget we are in different time zones, different countries and different cities. When I get a text saying, "I'm sleepy, I think I might go to bed," I look in horror at the clock as it strikes 3:00 pm...and then slowly remember it is 11:00 pm in England.

The key for Tim and I making it work is just genuinely putting in a little effort. Send a text hello just because, make a call when you have a spare minute, and send pictures of what you are doing, wearing, and experiencing so they might feel a little closer. Today I ate lunch while I was working and used my lunch break to call him and have a chat. We didn't talk about anything too significant, just spent time laughing and catching up, and I know that it brightened both of our days.

That little extra effort of Tim waking up before I go to sleep to say hi, even if he goes right back to sleep after, really makes me happy and makes me feel connected to him. I don't need minute by minute updates, but it does feel nice having a bit more of an insight into the other person's day, especially when it is in a place that is foreign to you. (On a side note - I'm so happy I visited because now when he says he is going to the shops I can actually picture where the shops are!)

I'll admit - it isn't all roses and sunshine all the time. I don't know anyone where it is and I don't think I ever will. The biggest problem for me with long distance is tone and lack of communication.

Despite all the wonderful things about technology, it can be difficult to detect tone. My boyfriend happens to be a snarky, sarcastic man with his British sense of humor, and a lot of times that does not come across to me how he thinks it does. For me, I get short with people in two situations: when I'm busy/overwhelmed, and when I'm angry. A busy day at work can mean me being short with Tim and him thinking I'm mad at him. Or sometimes I am mad and I have to try to explain how I'm feeling written in a text with no tone and no facial expression, just words on a screen. I'm not the greatest at expressing my emotions all the time so that can be hard for me.

What I may consider as a "lack of communication" can just be him sleeping in, playing sports, hanging out with friends, being in a meeting at work, making a meal, or taking a shower. Without having a totally accurate clock in my mind of what his day is like I forget those things are happening and think he's over me for the day.

I talk a lot. He listens and talks back. We make it work as easily as we can and use all ways of communication to do so. For every hour of confusion and frustration each month I have hundreds of hours without it. That little bit of extra effort can go a huge distance, maybe even enough to bridge a 5,000 mile gap.

Changes

One thing Tim has made me realize in the short time that I've known him is that I am a pretty solid human being. I'm sure he would be a little nicer and complimentary than that, but for me realizing I am alright is enough. I am nice, I am hard working, I am smart, and I'm pretty enough.

The 25 years prior I'm not sure I would be saying that. It would probably be more along the lines of - I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, and I'm not pretty enough. Sometimes those thoughts creep back into my mind..why does he like me? why am I not more successful? how can I change?

Change isn't a bad thing (depending on what it is of course!) and I have decided it is about time I change myself for the better.

I have been overweight the majority of my life. Always a little bit bigger than the other kids, I just always accepted it as part of being who I was. I kept being a little chubbier and was fine with it until I got to college. After an injury sidelined me from swimming and some emotional situations in my personal life I let it get worse and worse to the point I am at now. Luckily, I have a boyfriend who finds me beautiful regardless of my shape and size...but I have finally realized I can't use that as an excuse not to change. I deserve the healthiest version of myself so I can fully enjoy what life has to offer...no more fears of squeezing into a middle seat of a plane or not doing something active because I am afraid that I won't be able to do it. I can no longer hold myself back and be content. I need to get healthier. Tim deserves someone that he doesn't have to worry about. Someone he knows will be by his side for a long time in the future.

He also deserves a partner that can love him with every bit of their heart and put all of their effort into a strong, loving and healthy relationship. As much as I try to do that (and think I do a pretty good job, thank you) I know that the only way to give my all in my life and to him is to truly love myself. I need to sort through my doubts, my emotional baggage, and learn to be happy with all of me.

I have to start simple and am going to do it in a few ways:

• Food - Eating simple, healthy meals and tracking it all - I admit some things are going to be "convenience" health food for now (microwave veggie steamers, anyone?) with the goal of eating as "clean" as possible once I am in more of a routine 
• Exercise - Moving more, nothing fancy for now - walks, elliptical, stationary bike, weight machines and some at home workout DVDs. I want to get back into other things I used to do once I have a bit of my general fitness back - yoga, swimming, Zumba...and whatever else I may want to try!
• Mind - Blogging is how I plan to start this area of improvement. My blog will be a place to relive old memories, a place to make new ones, and a place to open up about my challenges and my victories. 

I have tried this all before and failed but I feel like its going to be different this time for two reasons. By my side I am going to have my biggest inspiration of all, Tim (fun fact: he walked 15 million steps and lost 90 lbs!). The second part is me. I know I can do. I want to do this for myself so I can live my life to the fullest. I want to be free of worry, free of doubt, and free of hate.